Crying again.
Hurt again.

it just happens again..
and again...

and again....


If i just leave this summer, would anyone really care?
Enough to come find me?
Enough to search day in and day out?


If I just left, would anyone come?




This feeling in my gut says no.
Though i know some people would say they would, i think not.

I could just escape.
run away.



I'mofficially alone, I realized this.
The one person i used to always talk to, I dont know how to anymore. Well, actually that goes for a few people.
I find myself wanting to hate my family, that way i wont hurt when I leave.
Yes "when" not "if"

But this is one of the things really bothering me right now, a topic that is discussed in a very long poem that whoever is reading this should just skip it.

---

As every other day had gone for her
This one went just the same
Nothing that day was different
Nothing at all had changed

The meeting of this boy
Didn’t seem significant
Just another friend for her
Normal days came and went

She grew fond of this boy
And instantly could trust him
She thought of him as a brother
They were becoming good friends

He told her something secrete
And it was of her best friend
She really wanted to help him
And that’s just what she did

She told him to ask his crush
And all he said was ok
He never did ask the girl though
All the way to this day

Things went along normally
These two were best of friends
But what the girl seemed to realize
Is something seemed to have changed

She truly realized what she felt
On the worst of all days
He was moving away from her
And she was there to stay

She had thought for a while before
That the feelings weren’t really real
But knowing he wouldn’t be around
Changed the way that she would feel

He seemed to hint at things
That showed he really did care
That he may have the same feelings
That he also wanted to be there

He beat around the bush
At what he was trying to say
He never got around to it though
And she did the exact same

He said things that made her smile
Things that made her blush
She thought she misinterpreted them
So she kept her thoughts hushed

He went away with his family
He left for many miles away
She was left with all those feelings
That haunted her night and day

She never confessed herself
She never said what she thought
But now it is much too late
And it isn’t something easily forgot

She had so many things to tell him
But never took the chance to do so
But she wasn’t the only one at fault
He seemed to have done so too

He was always somewhat mysterious
He never said what was on his mind
But he got close occasionally
So close that one certain time

Just recently the two were talking
And she had something to say
She told him to guess what it was
And he said it couldn’t go that way

Then after nothing happened at all
He said he’d answer any one question
And honestly, no matter what, at that
So she decided to take her chance then

She asked him what he thought
What’s the thing he thought she thought
And he told her what it was
That he knew she liked him a lot

When she read those words
She sat back and sighed
He knew what she was thinking
And there was nothing left to hide

So she asked him what he thought
But he said he couldn’t say
That his heart needed to stay closed
And could not be opened today

So she decided to change the subject
Away from what she wanted to talk about
Because she knew that in time
He’d clear away all of her doubt

Now when she thinks of him
She remembers this entire tale
Of meeting him that past summer
Where she didn’t know if her love was real

He was her first but thought false love
And he didn’t even know it
And she misses him terribly
And that she’ll never forget.

------------------------------------

And I still havent forgotten. Feelings have changed, but I still miss him.
Subjectively, objectively, or what ever the fuck doesnt matter any more...
I just wanna see him.



But i dont think itll happen..


im gonna sleep now..


goodnight. sweet dreams. Goodbye??